


It's like you knew me and all the things I couldn't say

by cul



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: M/M, Trans Luke, binding safely is important kids, it doesnt really delve into that but, mentions of cutting hair short and binders, this is luke centric but there are like hardly any trans han fics and we need to change that, trans han, warning for gender dysphoria maybe?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 06:03:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6040918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cul/pseuds/cul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Your father would have been proud of you, Luke. Remember, a true Jedi loves and respects all beings."</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's like you knew me and all the things I couldn't say

**Author's Note:**

> ok so basically i love trans luke so much he is so important to my poor trans gay ass. anyway so is trans han and that is so unappreciated by the fandom so! i contributed to hopefully inspire more people to as well! disclaimer i guess: i am trans myself but i have never binded (except w/ a sports bra) so i took my info off the interwebs

When he first chops off his hair it's like a weight is lifted off his shoulders, in a metaphorical and literal sense. His image in the mirror shows he had cut it unevenly, and strands of it stuck up in some places, but he smiles at his reflection for what feels like the first time in years. When his uncle questions his decision, he responds with a shrug and blames it on the blistering heat of the planet. Owen nods and walks away, mumbling that people would mistake him for a boy. He feels light for the rest of the day. 

*  


He tells Biggs first, because of course he does. They're sitting in the sand on the edge of the canyon wall and it's almost easy, because he tells Biggs everything. After he stutters his way through it, Biggs just looks at him for a moment before looking back at the sky.

"Do you want me to call you something different, then?"

"I haven't decided on a name yet." He says, kicking his foot slightly against the wall.

They discuss possibilities for the rest of the evening.

*

Ben Kenobi sees him and calls him by his birth name and Luke flinches involuntarily. Ben raises an eyebrow, noticing Luke's discomfort, which isn't really surprising. He has always been very perceptive of Luke's emotions.

"I...go by Luke now."

Ben pauses, then nods. Luke tenses, but after a moment of silence he asks about Obi-wan.

"I haven't gone by the name of Obi-Wan since... oh, before you were born. " Ben gives him a small smile then, and Luke relaxes.

Later, after he tells Luke about the Force, and his father being a Jedi, they return to Luke's home to find his aunt and uncle dead. Luke tells Ben he wants to become like his father, but he falters a bit on the last word.

"Your father would have been proud of you, Luke. Remember, a true Jedi loves and respects all beings."

*

He meets the pilots who will take them to Alderaan and introduces himself as Luke. Leaving the planet was something he had always wanted to do, and it felt freeing. No one out there saw him and recalled his past.

He finds that that would have been the least of his problems. It makes him feel at ease anyway.

*

After the medals ceremony, Luke is energized. The excitement of destroying the Death Star has not yet worn off, though it's been days (and he'd rather distract himself with numerous tasks than think about all the loss). He asks Han if he wants to join him in the combat training room, but he tells him he's just going to go and wind down for a bit. Luke nods and heads off, slightly disappointed.

He starts with the punching bag , which he is admittedly not very good at punching. Back on Tatooine he mostly avoided being hit rather than inflicting any harm himself. After a few minutes, he gives up. He thinks of his lightsaber, sitting in his room, unused since the day after Ben had given it to him. He turns and leaves the room.

Luke holds the hilt of the weapon in his hand and a wave of grief hits him. He shakes his head and tries to push it way, the thought of his father, who he will never meet, who wanted him to have this, to Ben, who he lost too soon, who was going to help him train. He thinks of Biggs, and the day at the canyon, when he first felt truly accepted, of his Aunt and Uncle, how avenging their deaths did nothing to ease the deep pain he felt.

"Hey kid, thought you were in the combat room." Han said, interrupting his thoughts.

"I am. I was. I'm going back. Just needed to get this." He holds up the lightsaber and Han rolls his eyes. It almost bothers him but he's glad for the distraction. "I thought you were taking a nap."

"Can't a guy change his mind?" Han asks, turning and walking towards the training room. Luke catches up to him, and they walk in silence. They mostly train in silence too, for a while. Now and then trading compliments or giving advice on technique. After about 20 minutes, Luke starts to feel lightheaded, and he nearly collapses on the ground before heading towards the wall to lean on it. In the background he can register that the sound of Han shooting his blaster stopped, just the sound of Luke's ragged breaths filling the room.

Han quickly walks towards him, his hands raised in fear that Luke _would_ collapse.

"You alright, kid? Workin' too hard?" He smiles, then frowns when Luke doesn't respond, when Luke _can't_ respond.

"Luke?"

Luke is pulling the fabric of his shirt now, grasping at his chest and Han quickly helps him take it off.

"Oh," Han says, pulling softly at the bandages that are wrapped around Luke's chest and are currently squeezing his ribs too tight. "Shit, Luke." He sighs, shaking his head at his friend.

*

Luke opens his eyes and he's in the sick bay. Han is sitting in the chair to the left of the bed, and a medical droid is on the right. He meets Han's eyes, and, remembering what happened, breaks the contact. Han drags the chair closer to the bed and when the droid starts to speak, he interrupts it, telling it to fuck off, which makes Luke smile in spite of himself.

"You feeling okay?" Luke nods, still without looking at Han.

"Good, cause I gotta teach you a thing or two about binding correctly. Keep on going like this and you'll do yourself some serious damage, kid."

Luke's head snaps up from looking at his hands in his lap to meet Han's gaze again. Still slightly anxious, but now also confused, he questions him.

"How would you know, Han?" He says it with a snarky edge, hoping it will cause Han to leave and not ask him about the bandages or accuse him of being a liar or asking him for his real name or-

"You're not alone, Luke. I get it." He smiles, reaching over and squeezing Luke's shoulder in a friendly gesture. "I think I still have a few of my old binders, back from when I was younger," he pauses, "and smaller." He laughs and Luke swats at his arm playfully.

Luke grows quiet again.

"So you...you're trans?" He says, awed and shocked. He'd never met anyone like him, and. And now, when he felt he had lost everyone close to him, he may have finally found someone he could trust and rely on.

"Yes I am, and I don't care who knows it. Not that it's their business anyway mind you, but I got my pride." Han smirks and Luke feels like he did the day he first cut his hair off, when a distant dream started to become a reality.

Han leans down over Luke and kisses him softly on the forehead. "These blasted droids keep telling me you have to rest so I gotta leave ya. Try not to miss me too much."

"Oh I'll try Han, but I'm telling you it's going to be hard." Luke calls as the other man leaves the room, and he finds he's not even exaggerating that much.

**Author's Note:**

> this was my first finished fic ever lmao i wrote it in less than two hours. anyway kudos and comments are greatly appreciated! my tumblr is transboyskywalker and idk i might continue this at some point maybe not who knows at this point


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